Life is Rich…E-R-S-O-N

Just sharing opinions…take it or leave it.

Archive for Babies

My beef with Baby Center

Baby Center.com was my best friend when I was pregnant.  I could google ANYTHING – and Baby Center would usually be the top hit.  I joined as a member and even “chatted” on some of the member forums (please stop making fun of me in your mind…I also belong to a LOST forum, on which I have spent many-a-hour feeling dumb by talking to smart LOST watchers…).  Anyway – Baby Center was great.  It would email me each week with a little paragraph about my baby’s development (it does leave a lot to be desired because one teeny little paragraph was just not quite enough for me and my paranoia quest for knowledge) and I would read it and feel so great about the fact that my baby had eyelashes.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, Baby Center just got plain ole mean.  It kept telling me I was gaining weight by POUNDS each WEEK which is just not what I wanted to hear.  Uh, excuse me BabyCenter, you don’t know me or my weight so just relax with the weight gain talk.

Well, after Baby was born, Baby Center continued to tell me about my baby as she aged.  Each week, by golly, Baby Center was sending me all sorts of stuff, and I was eating it up.  At first I thought it was wonderful…“Dear Erin, Your newborn baby will sleep all day and eat a lot.  She might even open her eyes to look at you once, but don’t worry if they are crossed. And, you will be tired.” Dead on BabyCenter.  Good work.

About 8 weeks into it (or somewhere around there), Baby Center decides to send a new email: “Dear Erin, Your baby should be grasping rattles and making them shake.  She will bat at objects in her sight.  She should be able to reach for a toy held just out of her reach.  Her head control is great at this time and she loves to sit up and reach for bright colored toys.  And, you will still be tired.” Well, Baby wasn’t doing these things at all, but I was one up on Baby Center because I wasn’t tired! HA!  Anyway, Baby looked at stuff, but certainly wasn’t grasping them, let alone batting at them.  And, her head was still lollygagging all over the place.  But, regardless of the small disclaimer at the bottom of the emails (all babies develop differently) Baby Center KEPT TELLING ME THE SAME THINGS!  Email upon email would tell me these things.  I was starting to get very annoyed.  Well, Baby Center, ya know what?  BACK OFF.  We’re working on it. We’ve got saucers, and toys hanging from every stupid thing we own, and by golly, sometimes she’d rather just put her OWN hands in her mouth and not a stupid crinkly noise toy.  SHEESH.

Around that same time, I noticed something happening to me as well.  I had clumps, YES, clumps of hair coming out.  I was beginning to think something was wrong with me and I’d acquired some new disease.  Weeks went by, and my hair kept falling out.  (I wasn’t bald by any means, but was worried that was coming!)  Well, good ole Baby Center decides to tell me about post partum hair loss SIXTEEN WEEKS after giving birth.  “Dear Erin, Your hair is probably falling out.  You probably noticed 4-6 weeks ago.  It’s normal and your hair won’t be regular again until about 1 year post partum.” HELLO?  Where were you 4 weeks ago when this started.  You are so quick to jump the gun on the grasping of rattles and super head control, but when MY hair is falling out  you decide to wait a little bit before giving me a clue about this fun fact.  Thanks a lot for all your helpful tips, Baby Center.  Love ya.

Lullabies to order…and the ONE to stay away from.

I ordered music for Baby to sleep to at night as part of the “soothing process”.  I read that if Baby is always used to being rocked to sleep while seeing either my or Husband’s face she will also need that if she wakes in the middle of the night.  With the advice of our doctor, and books, we wanted her to learn “self-soothing” techniques so that if she does awaken in the middle of the night and is not hungry, she can simply soothe herself back to sleep (like we do as adults).  So, part of this process is providing a similar process for each night so she will get used to a routine and putting her down awake – thus the music.  That way it will be on in the middle of the night and she can hear it and think “Ah yes, this music is for sleeping, I must need to go to sleep again without crying or enlisting someone else to entertain me until I am sleepy.”  I know Baby has an inner monologue…

So – I ordered music made for soothing.  I ordered the Beatles and U2 versions of “Rock-a-Bye Baby”.  The ones I ordered had no words, and so I went back to iTunes for more.  I then found some other albums with people actually singing.  (Sidenote: If you are ordering music for your child to sleep to – I recommend buying LOTS of it.  Hearing it through the monitor all night, every night, over and over, is enough to make me want to stick freshly sharpened pencils in my ears.)  I love the music; it is soothing and sounds great, and although she hasn’t really told me either way, I think Baby is really glad I turn it on for her while she sleeps.

WELL, the other day I go in the nursery because Baby is crying.  Normal.  Must need to eat.  Plus, she had been alseep a long time.  Totally normal.  Baby’s eyes are wide open, and the words I hear coming out of the iPod are as follows:

Stay awake, don’t rest your head
Don’t lie down upon your bed
While the moon drifts in the sky
Stay awake, don’t close your eyes

Though the world is fast asleep
Though your pillow’s soft and deep
You’re not sleepy as you seem
Stay awake, don’t nod and dream
Stay awake, don’t nod and dream

What in the world? No wonder Baby is awake.  The stupid song I purchased TO HELP HER SLEEP is brainwashing her to STAY AWAKE!  I paid good money for this, and don’t feel I was given adequate information as to what I was purchasing.

It has since been deleted from the “Sleeping Baby” playlist on the iPod.  I realize it is a Julie Andrews/Mary Poppins original, but GET REAL. It is not helping in any way…

What I DO recommend to you, if you choose to purchase music, is “Children’s Lullabies: the iTunes Essentials”.  Although there is one song on this playlist that encourages the listener to “sing this lullaby to yourself“, it is by Jack Johnson and so it makes it okay that he is being a little snotty.  Everyone knows babies can’t sing…c’mon Jack….plus, we paid $0.99 for YOU to sing it.

Knock on Wood

Last night, Husband and I were talking about how we certainly must be “lucky” because we have an easy baby.  For the last week, she has slept a good 7 – 9 hours each night solid, and wakes up with a smile, and we really felt like we might be the only people who have had it this “easy”.  But, when we stopped and really thought about it, we came to the conclusion that people must feel lucky when they have an “easy” baby because all you ever hear about are people who have difficult ones.  Is it really luck of the draw?  Do we need to hold our breath every time we get pregnant hoping we “luck out” and get a baby that is easy?  It can’t be this hap-hazard, can it?

No one ever talks about easy babies.  No one ever talks about easy labors or easy deliveries.  And since I’ve never been one for a verbal filter…I’m gonna go ahead and talk about mine.  I think people should talk about it if it is easy – because I don’t think first time moms need to go through pregnancy holding their breath thinking labor and delivery is the worst ever every time or that as soon as that baby comes out it cries for 3 months straight.  The cruddy part for me came on my own body afterwards, and only because I wasn’t aware these thing happen.  People only share horror stories it seems.  And that isn’t how it happens for everyone – or at least not for me.

I was induced in order to have my baby.  The only negative to my story is that I had a TERRIBLE 1st trimester +4 weeks and a very painful 3rd trimester and I think my doctor felt sorry for me and let me be induced….regardless it really worked in my favor.  Back to induction.  I started on pitocin at 7:30am, water broken at 9:30, was tired of having contractions by 11:00 and got an epidural.  I hadn’t felt that great in a few months, and literally 5 minutes after getting that epidural I cried because I couldn’t feel the pain in my hips for the first time in a long time.  It was AMAZING.  After that, I hung out and enjoyed my day.  My doctor was paged when it was time for delivery, but Baby was already making her entrance.  Luckily a different doctor was standing in the hallway at the time, because he was grabbed to come in and deliver.  I looked at the clock when they put my feet in the stirrups.  The minute hand was between 5:29 and 5:30pm.  He told me to push, and I did…9 times, 10 seconds each with a breath in between.  At 5:35pm my baby was out and I was finished.  Piece of cake…. seriously.

At three weeks old, Baby was able to sleep about 4 – 5 hours at night for her “long sleep period” the majority of nights.  Books and such call this “sleeping through the night”.  Really?  I’m pretty sure sleeping through the night for me would be a good 10 hours, but maybe that’s just me.  Regardless of the definition, Baby started sleeping longer and longer at night with each passing week.  I was tired, sure, 5 hours isn’t enough for me.  But it was better than one or two, or ZERO.  We can now put her to bed with wide awake eyes, and she will go to sleep, and she will sleep for 7-9 hours.  I can also put her to sleep in the daytime, eyes wide open, no fussing, and she will take a good nap.

Baby doesn’t cry much.  Sure – she let’s you know if she’s hungry, or needs her pacifier, or has dirty pants, but other than that she likes to gurgle and “talk” to me.  She smiles a lot (and not just at Husband anymore!).  She likes to look at Crazy (our puppy) with his white flash on his black face.  She smiled and giggled today when I took her hand and put in on his fur.  Grumpy was out chewing his bone so he missed out on the pets.

I can count on one hand the times where I have been so frustrated that I wanted to cry in the last 9 weeks due to the baby and I would say 3 out of 5 of those, it was only because she was needing to eat sooner than we expected.  One time was because she had gotten shots and the house was hot and so she was hot.  There has never been a time when she cries simply for no reason and I love her for that.  Every noise she makes has a reason, and I love that I know what each one means.

She sleeps, eats, and poops like clockwork.  Maybe I’m getting used to having a baby, or being a mom is becoming more second nature than something I have to think about consciously.  Regardless, people should know that some babies are easy, and I (knock on wood) got one…luck or not.  I know there are several of you out there that would like to punch me right now, and I’m sorry.

5 more things…about AFTER the baby is born

Please click here for things #1-5 about what I wish I’d have known about after the baby is born….

6) Your brain will continue to forget things.  You know how when you got pregnant you stopped remembering ENTIRE conversations?  Well – don’t hold your breath because it doesn’t come back anytime soon after that baby comes out.  This is the main reason on why I will have to post items in a series of 5….I simply cannot remember anything more than that.  I forget to eat dinner, I forget that I have to go to the bathroom, I forget to feed my dogs, I forget the reason why I go into the kitchen (Oh yeah – to take my birth control pill….)

7) There is a smell. (I really should have put this in #1-5, but in my defense see #6.)  Look up the word Lochia and just know that if you had a sensitive smell issue while pregnant, please know it will continue and this amazing cleansing of your body is very distinct.  I will say no more unless we are good friends.  Just putting it out there.  No one told me.  You may be different…I have a really heightened sense of smell to begin with.

8.)  Your tolerance for any type of alcohol is nil. I don’t care if you were one cocktail away from calling Dr. Drew, or if you had a random glass of wine here and there before you got pregnant.  The first drink even containing a small amount of alcohol will require a long nap and a ride home.

9)  Feeding in the middle of the night will not take 5 minutes.  This was a shocker for me – and it could just be due to the horrible phrase that helps no one “all babies are different”.  Baby would wake in the night, eat, and take about 45 – 90 minutes to go back to sleep AFTER eating.  (Of course when my husband would feed her, she would go back to sleep in say, 20 minutes.  I like to think that was because Baby knew from the start who was more entertaining and wanted to stay up and talk about E! News…)  Regardless of what your baby does, don’t think it is like getting up to let out a puppy….it takes MUCH longer (at least for us….)

10)  It is quite possible that your baby might save those first smiles for someone other than you. Ugh – does it get more annoying?  After all that morning sickness, heartburn, hip pain, sciatica, weight gain, AND hard work of childbirth (OK – my childbirth experience was fantastic and easy but the girl in the room next to me that same day was really letting us all know how much it should hurt….) that first smile is probably gonna go to the one person who made a contribution and then waited out the entire process with ease.  I worked VERY hard for some smiles while Husband was out of town for 4 days when Baby was 6 weeks old.  I probably got one or two smiles over the four days (sing “Peanut Butter Jelly Time”….my baby LOVES it).  Husband walks in, looks at Baby, says NOTHING, and Baby gives the biggest grin and coo.  Now – I think my husband is very cute and definitely worth smiling at – but STILL……

5 things I wish I’d have known…for AFTER the baby is born

So I had a baby 8 weeks ago.  It was my first baby and, needless to say, there are things that just aren’t talked about in What to Expect When you’re Expecting in that last part covering the six weeks after.  It’s a great book, don’t get me wrong (a little conservative for me…my doc gave the OK on Mr. Goodcents deli sandwiches…thank the LORD!!!).  Here’s what I wish someone would have told me…not that it would change things (well a few things maybe would have changed) but still…

1)  You turn into a crazy person. (And you thought you were crazy while pregnant-I’m NOT a crier and I BAWLED when the girls wearing pink shirts came in last on The Amazing Race and were eliminated during my 2nd trimester….)  For real – craziness takes over as soon as that baby comes out.  Warn people ahead of time that you will become crazy and that there is no rhyme or reason for the craziness.  You aren’t even crazy about the baby – you did that in the 3rd trimester.  This is new crazy…about nothing and everything all at once.

2)  You may not LOVE LOVE LOVE your baby like a cheesy movie right from the start and that is OK. Now – those of you who think I am heartless, you have a point, but hear me out.  I loved my baby – from the moment I found out I was pregnant the moment my morning sickness all day/night sickness went away.  But when the baby is born you may expect music and a quartet of sopranos singing “ahhhh” and a feeling like no other.  I didn’t have that.  There were tears, sure, but that is only because the mirror that I requested NOT be there was showing me things I didn’t want to see.  You need to realize that, like any relationship, it may take time to build and realize who the other person is.  So, it is OK if you need some time to get to know your baby….it was normal for me.

3)  Breastfeeding is hard and it’s OK if you hate it and switch to formula.  (Please remember these are my own personal opinions on breastfeeding, and I realize that, much like the decision to wear white shoes after labor day, many people have strong opinions that probably differ from mine….)  First off, when your milk comes in, it feels like you have gotten hit by a train but only in the chest.  You swell up, big time.  I looked like Pamela Anderson, minus Kid Rock and the blonde hair.  And when books describe them as “hard” – you have no idea.  Rocks, frozen meat, knots on trees – you get it.  It was awful.  I was determined to breastfeed my baby because everything I read said it was best (and plus it was free and I was gonna lose weight!).  Well, baby had a hard time latching, and lost weight (a LOT of weight – not the generic <5% like most people’s babies).  So I pumped while the baby ate from bottle for a few weeks.  I spent the time that baby was eating locked in my bedroom pumping – because my breasts were so huge and engorged.  So I felt as if I developed a relationship with my pump and not my baby.  Then we would try again to feed “the normal way” and it was frustrating each time.  After much deliberation and hysterical crying (see #1 “you turn into a crazy person”) I decided to go to 100% formula and started the drying out process.  I felt horrible, but when I thought it all out my mom and husband helped me realize it was okay, I knew my baby would be great if I used formula!  Afterall, I was formula fed and I have a job….   In sum, if it doesn’t work out for you – don’t beat yourself up.  You do what is best for YOU and YOUR BABY.

4)  Drying out is quite possible the worst thing ever.  Yowser.  Just when you think it can’t get worse with the whole milk-coming-in process, you decide to dry out.  Rewind all those same feelings of hardness, getting hit by a train, etc and push play.  Apparently drying out is not so bad if you have breastfed for several months.  Well – I did only two weeks of pumping and the drying out process was terrible.  My advice (coming from my nurse) DO NOT stimulate, DO NOT let warm water relieve you in the shower, DO NOT pump for even a second to let some of the pressure go.  Go cold turkey, wear a sports bra (or two!) all day, every day, until you no longer leak.  Oh the leaking….Let’s just say those little circular pads you can get to stuff in your bra didn’t cut it.  I used the maxis they sent home with me from the hospital AND towels cut in circles to soak it all up.  Again – I know it is vivid – but gals need to know!!!!

5) People WANT to help you. LET THEM.  They aren’t doing it because they feel sorry for you – they are excited for you and understand how hard it is to have a newborn.  Take their food.  Let them hold your baby while you eat (or shower!).  If your baby cries while they are there, THEY DON’T CARE!  If they want to clean for you, LET THEM.  Or hire a cleaning service (this I did in trimester 3 because I couldn’t bend over, or move really, and my husband admitted he didn’t want to take over the cleaning….).  Seriously – get all the help you can and LOVE it.  Because when it is gone – you will miss it.